I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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