i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When are your genitals available?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
