I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
