he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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