I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
