i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
