sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So squirting runs in the family.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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