Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
