But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
