I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
