I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
