Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
