I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
