u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
