just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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