Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I want is dick and wine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
