More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
