im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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