my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
