We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
