So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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