At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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