you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
