He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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