weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
