i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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