I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
