it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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