Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
