and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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