she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I came so hard my ears popped.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
