If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
