I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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