WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
