I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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