when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
