i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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