My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
