Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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