At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Im part way to drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
