There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
