and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
