You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Farmville is her only friend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
