Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
