go do what you do best...puke behind churches
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
