Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize