She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
