One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
