For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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