I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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