xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
