I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
