Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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