My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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