You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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