Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I AM VODKA MAN
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
